Well, today I don’t have many classes to attend so it’s mean that I can go back to my dormitory as soon as possible and didn't touch the rain even a little. It’s always rain in Jogja lately, which is makes Kaliurang that already cold, colder. And it’s also make me and many students in Jogja feels always hungry. You know, it’s the end of month, and our pocket money is nearly gone. One thing that makes me keep going strong is that I realized that the beginning of the month is already in front of my eyes, and I can’t wait to keep living, surviving and continue my life to the next chapter.

I’d like to share some story that happened in this week. There’s a sad, and tiring moment. First is a sad moment that happened in this week, exactly is yesterday. I have a best friend, named Nurul Fajriah. She is my best friend since Senior High School in Jakarta. We spend lot of time together, sometimes we sleepover together even at my house or at her, we went to One Direction Concert in Jakarta ‘On the Road Again’ Tour, watch movies together, and many more. We know about each other so well, even I already assume her parents as also my parents too. As time goes by, you know, if there's "hi", there must be a "goodbye". 2 months later after we graduated, God separated us. I had to leave her and I went to Jogja to continue my study. I was worried about everything. I’m scared that I can’t have a best friend just like you, no one can make me laugh just like you, no one will understand me, I was scared. But you said everything is going to be okay and I will found another best friend soon. We're now 330 miles apart.

Her father was sick, he has stroke. As I told you before, I assume her parents as also like my parents too. Since the first day I moved to Jogja I don’t have a chance to visit her family. I only can met Nurul at Bintaro Exchange Mall, and planned to visit her house too. But then, until I came back to Jogja I still don’t have a chance to visit her house. Until yesterday, I keep thinking that I will meet her parents when I come back to Jakarta again which is in July. But God called him too early to visit His paradise, so it’s mean that I didn’t have a chance to meet him again. That’s why I feel so down lately, because I can’t visit her house and see his funeral.
     And the tiring moment is happened actually yesterday, it was LKID (Latihan Kepemimpinan Islam Dasar). It’s an event from my college, and all of the student must join this event. The event starts from 7am until 5pm lol tiring right? But I think it was quite fun though. Because the speaker was gave us lot of useful tips and trick how to be a good leader and manager, basic public speaking, and how to know yourself more. As you know on my last post, it was related to yesterday material that the speaker was saying at LKID. And it’s same as what in my opinion too lol. They said that no one is know yourself, but you. It’s only me, myself, and I who knows me best. Ok?

Expecting the world to be fair & kind with you bcs you're always fair & kind, is like expecting a lion not to eat you bcs you dont eat 'em

ps. i wrote this post honestly on 30th march. but i dont have enough time to upload this. that's why i wrote on the 1st paraghraph "end of the month" :)) 

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Hidup itu nggak gampang. Kita dipaksa untuk selalu fight, berjuang, gontok-gontokan. Kadang apa yang kita mau, nggak selalu terpenuhi. Banyak alasan. Entah karena orang lain, atau emang einfach "kita nggak bisa dapetin itu.". Banyak temen, dikelilingi keluarga yang kelihatannya harmonis, buat gue mungkin itu nggak cukup. Jujur, I don't like my life. Bukan gue nggak bersyukur, tapi emang nggak sreg sama hidup gue sendiri. Okay, gue emang cukup beruntung. Gue nggak kesulitan ekonomi, nggak perlu cari makan untuk esok hari, atau cari kardus untuk alas tidur. Lebih dari itu, lagi. Hidup gue bukan cuma diliat dari aspek ekonomi atau whatever they called.

Manusia. Manusia itu mahluk yang katanya paling sempurna. Dikasih akal dan pikiran sama Tuhan, sampe terkadang mereka suka sotoy. Berasa paling tau dan nunjuk-nunjuk ke muka manusia lain. Satu hal, beribu manusia, beribu macam karakternya. Yang kita pikir kita "tau" dia, ternyata nggak. Untuk manusia-manusia tertutup, yang tau betul siapa dirinya, di "sotoy"in itu nggak enak. I know exactly who I am. Nggak ada satu orang pun yang kenal gue. Untuk seseorang, atau mungkin beberapa orang, mereka bertanya-tanya apa yang ada di otak gue. Apa? Harus kalian tau? Gue nggak melontarkan apa yang gue mau. Gue cuma ngebuat sesuatu menjadi lebih baik, menurut gue. Egois? Iya mungkin. Mungkin gue egois, kelihatannya. Tapi mereka nggak mencoba ngebuka pintu lebih jauh lagi biar tau maksudnya. Bukan nggak mencoba, mereka nggak mau. Balik lagi ke atas, manusia itu sotoy.

Mereka nggak perlu tau apa yang gue rasain, alamin, apa yang gue lihat. Karena itu semua nggak penting. Menurut mereka, mungkin gue keras kepala. Iya gue keras kepala. Gue lakuin apa yang menurut gue bener. Jelas. Yang kadang bikin orang nggak habis pikir. Cara gue menimbang-nimbang dan menilai suatu hal, cuma gue yang tau. So, isi otak gue ya cuma gue kan yang tau?          

Bersosialisasi dan kontak sama orang lain bukan favorit gue. Terserah, gue bukan orang yang friendly or warm dan gue nggak mau jadi orang itu. Gue bukan karakter 'The Sims' yang bisa di buat sempurna. Mungkin manusia di sekitar gue anggap sebagai penghibur. Bukan sebagai seseorang yang bisa di curhatin sedalem-dalemnya. Karena nggak ada yang ngerti cara pikir gue. Mereka pikir gue terlalu aneh atau bahkan nganeh.

           Percuma. Buang-buang waktu menurut gue. Pada akhirnya yang dilakukan orang-orang itu adalah nge-judge gue. That's all. Membuat penilaian sendiri. Lo pikir lo kenal gue? Enggak!

           Gue ngejalanin hidup itu sendiri. Kalau gue gagal, cuma gue yang nanggung sedih, malu, dan marahnya. Kalau gue berhasil, cuma gue yang bisa ngerasain senengnya. Gue mati pun akan sendiri. Terbaring di liang kubur sendiri. Begitu juga dengan lo, atau kalian. Jalanin aja hidup lo, nggak perlu ngasih tau siapa gue. Gue tau gue siapa. Gue kenal betul manusia seperti apa gue itu. Sekarang gue tanya lagi, lo kira lo kenal gue?

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Haloo!

Firstly, welcome to my blog! I just make this blog to share my messy-life, my boring-college-life, and my love life (Cough) to you all. I used to have a blog before this, but it was a real mess. So I decided to make a new one.

Well,  I’m Indonesian and I speak in Bahasa, but I study English at college and I’m one of the not-good-in-English in my class, so I’m going to use English when I writing about my daily life here (Psst.. don’t worry, I’m going to use Bahasa too). Then, when I use a wrong grammar, vocabulary, or etc, please kindly write in the comment box where I am wrong? And tell me what I am supposed to write.

Enjoy your time reading my blog and feel free to drop some comments. I read them all. :)

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